(1)Hot babe, 38D-18-34, looking for adventureous man who loves filmy lingerie and silk sheets. If you really believe my measurements do not reply. (2)Homeless, jobless, toothless, smelly unemployed ex-CEO with no future seeks companion to leech off, and to sit with by the garbage-can fires in the alley at night. The stars always look better sitting next to a friend and a rotten banana peel. Willing to run for Congress. (3)Aging rocker seeks hot babe for tumultuous relationship. Must enjoy paparazzi and tabloid journalism. Must be able to pretend it was good for you. No monogamists. (4)Happily married 52-year-old male looking for a good time and/or a good secretary to become a companion and/or employee. Multiple positions available for both. Benefits included. (5)Cross-dressing male shopping for plus-sized woman to share wardrobe and life. Haute couture only, please. Dress size 18, shoe size 12. (6)I'm new to cannibalism and willing to sacrifice two remaining toes and at least one arm. You must have large, meaty breasts. Must consider "Bite me" a mating call, not an insult. (7)Tall Hispanic lesbian looking for a vertically challenged person to spend evenings clipping my toenails and picking them out of the carpet. I don't care if you know the way to Jose, but you must know how to get to the Y. (8)Pedophile willing to date a woman with children. Will consider marriage. Kids must be good looking and like to have secret friends. (9)Single female who enjoys interpretive dance and black clothing seeks standoffish, analytical wimp to create Jell-O sculptures and ballroom-dance in my living room. (10)Modern-day Columbus longs to discover virgin territory to plunder. Are you willing to let me sail into your port? (11)IRS collections agent seeking mate who shares my enthusiasm for disregarding law and order. Gender doesn't matter, because I screw everybody. (12)Congressman seeking mate with leadership qualities. They say opposites attract, so let's give this a chance! (13)I am a highly itelligent male and well red. I am also the best looking one for miles around. I am hung like a horse, built like Tarzen and have the IQ of two Eizenstiens. I am also a great lover and have no prostrate problems. I am very spiritual and caring. I am also very articulate and a good conservationalist people love talking with. I never lose a argument and people love me. I am a great listener, too. You will enjoy every minute you spend with me. I am a humble person who truly values the finer things in life. Do not reply unless you are at least a 38DD. (14) High-maintenance woman demands deep-pocketed and attentive sugar daddy. Only those with huge bank accounts and tiny egos, please. Penis size or lack thereof is not an obstacle. (15)Princess trapped in a man's body looking for a knight in shining armor to rescue me. Prefer a plastic surgeon who specializes in gender reassignment. I can be anything you want, if you get what I mean. (16)Sensitive male seeking sensitive female who loves to cook, sew, and do housekeeping. Big tits a plus. (17)Bald woman seeks virile young man who likes hairless honeys. You do not have to worry about razor stubble. My hair all fell out when I had chemo back in 1965, just before I turned 60. I may be old and wrinkly, but I give a good gumming. My wheelchair has a performance chip and racing stripes. (18)Mature man who is financially independent seeks 20-ish woman for marriage and to bear children. Must be able to get along with my other children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. You will like the feel of my custom special silk Depends occasionally touching your luscious firm body as you sleep next to me. (19)Curious carpenter needs experienced subcontractor for discreet tongue-and-groove work. High-quality craftsmen only, please. (20)Ready? OK! Collegiate cheerleader looking for quarterback to bring his helmet, pads, and offensive line to bed. First and ten! Do it again! (21)Fifty-two-year-old empty-nester seeks young man to be her diaper-dandy. Crybabies and whiners only. Diapers, rattles, and spankings supplied. (22)Road-kill collector in search of a companion who enjoys exotic pet animals like tigers and anacondas. Must be lazy and unwilling to compromise. (23) Jockey looking for long-legged winner to ride. I'm great in the back stretch, and the odds are 20-1 you'll be thrilled. (24)Searching for a male to argue with on a consistent basis about petty issues. Must have a good set of lungs to use during screaming matches. (25)Fifty seven year old male emerging from one-year mourning of mother's death and now considering leaving home for the right situation. I keep my room clean, brush my teeth, am always home by 9 and can usually tuck myself in. Will consider woman near same age, if maternal instincts are strong. (26)Twenty-three-year-old, 5-feet-9-inch, big-chested, full-lipped, independently wealthy, blond nymphomaniac seeks local men for thrills and fun. I'm a cheap date who doesn't talk much. My dream guy must be comfortable when I pay for our date, enjoy full-body massages, and kiss passionately--like daddy taught me. (27)Eighteen year-old from West Virgina tired of marrying relatives. Seeking man who wants an instant family of twelve beautiful children and three grandchildren. (28)Thirty-ish woman, attractive and divorced professional. Seeks long-term relationship. Marriage is out of the question, because I like sex. (29)Married man seeks discrete relationship with woman who enjoys sex without inserting large objects into her man's anal orifice. Presently feigning impotence and spitting out Viagra while getting increasingly horny. Trust me, I will be thrilled to give you a good time. If you collect baseball bats and liter bottles, do not reply. (30)Athlete seeking woman to scratch my jock-itch. Must enjoy performing fellatio and analingus. Willingness to be hung by breasts from hook in ceiling a big plus. No wierdos, please.