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In a Tokyo hotel: It is forbitten to steal
hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is
please not to read notis.
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In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe
inside the tub.
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In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being
fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.
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In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift
backwards, and only when lit up.
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In a Belgrade hotel: To move the cabin, push
button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
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In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your
values at the front desk.
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In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to
complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
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In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of
underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
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In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take
advantage of the chambermaid.
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In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a
Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery
where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are
buried daily except Thursday.
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In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not
to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.
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On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines
leave nothing to hope for.
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On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's
own make limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a
finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.
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In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your
convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
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Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may
have a fit upstairs.
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In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers
here for best results.
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Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street
walking.
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In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers
suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict
rotation.
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From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow
exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.
These were executed over the past two years.
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In an East African newspaper: A new swimming
pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in
the bulk of their workers.
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In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your
utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
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A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is
strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
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In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety
of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
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In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth are extracted by the latest Methodists.
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A translated sentence from a Russian chess
book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this
variation has been played.
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In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes
here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
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In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one
of our horse-driven city tours, we guarantee no miscarriages.
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Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?
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On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop
the drip, turn cock to right.
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In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats
made for ladies from their own skin.
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On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong
Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
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Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop! Drive
sideways.
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In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today no ice
cream.
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In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter
a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
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In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies
with nuts.
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In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take
your bags and send them in all directions.
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On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is
your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
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In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are
requested not to have children in the bar.
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At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the
animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on
duty.
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In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in
women and other diseases.
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In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has
personally passed all the water served here.
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In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than
common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.
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From a Japanese information booklet about
using a hotel air conditioner: Cools and Heats: If you want just
condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
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From the brochure of a car rental firm in
Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage then tootle him with vigor.
